Photo 365 - Day 260 (Going Down)

Day 260 (March 20th, 2011)
Title: Going Down

And now, the conclusion of the "Adventures Of Flying"!

"The captain has turned on the 'Fasten Seat Belts' sign, so if everyone could please return to their seats, fasten those darn things and hold on, we are about to land this thing!  If anyone is in the lavatory, you really want to get back to you seat now, because its just not a fun ride in there when we head down. Thank you!"  

Two lines came to me when the attendants said we were getting prepared for the landing: "Any landing you can walk away from, is a good landing." and "A landing is just a controlled fall."  Neither of these helped my state of mind out much.  I fastened my belt, securely, checking the latch and it's mechanical bits.  My tray-table couldn't have been more 'upright' and all of my carry-on items were stowed (re: crushed) into the overhead bin.  So, other than the panic and constant looking out my window for either flames, or to watch the propeller fly off, I was in my happy place. 


I should mention, after we took off the attendants walked around and if they saw two people squished next to each other, they asked: "Sir, we have some vacant seats available, if you'd prefer to have a row by yourself?"  Now when I heard this, I got nearly as giddy as the attendants - only because I like having room to actually breath.  So, when I was asked, I quickly said "YES! I'D LOVE TO!" before the guy sitting next to me got the chance.  I smiled as I was escorted back a few rows to a lovely empty row of seats all for myself.  I sat down, thought to myself "Ahhh... if I pretend really hard, it's like being in first class."  I nearly asked for a second beverage, I was so happy. 


Then I looked out the window.  Happy little clouds?  No.  Panoramic view of the Earth below me zipping by?  No.  Giant, spinning propeller of death that looked like it was barely stuck on with Elmer's Glue?  Yep. 


So, we begin our plummet to the tarmac, and I ponder all those things that flash before my eyes (like why do I still have remotes for TV's that I gave away decades ago?!) and can't help but wonder if ducks or birds laugh when they see planes like this coming in for a landing.  After what seemed like 32 hours, we finally came down and bounced down the runway.  I'm told this is normal for smaller planes, to bounce.  Like a 3-year-old toy.  Wee.  We came to a stop, had a little assistance pealing my fingers out of the arm rest and disembarked from my exciting journey.  As I walked out, two things struck me:


First, the attendant: "Thanks for flying with us , we hope you had a great time .   We'll see you again real soon! "  


I of course was about to tell her, please never utter a single tone ever again - until I realized that she was right, I would have to see "them" again - because at some point, I had to fly home.  Sigh.


The second thing was:


"QUACK" "QUACK" "QUACK"!


Damn ducks. 

Photo 365 - Day 259 (Da Plane, Da Plane!)

Day 259 (March 19th, 2011)
Title: Da Plane, Da Plane


(Yes, I know this was the longest "to be continued" ever, but I came down with a nasty flu after posting the previous post and couldn't spell my name, let alone post anything.  But, I'm feeling better-ish now, so lets continue the fun!)


Phun On Da Plane, Part 2


So, after taking my seat and watching the maintenance folks hand-crank up the propellers, the pilot decided it was time to actually take off.  Now, as the plane taxis onto the runway, the flight attendants indicate all the lovely information about what to do if the is an emergency and where the exits are and that your seat could be used as a flotation device, but our "attendants" must have been a bit tired.  Now, the plane was so small that we only had two attendants on-board, which would have been okay, if they both hadn't snorted an entire canister of nitrous oxide (each) before boarding. 


Everything they said, be it: "Now, we have two exits , one up here at the front of the plane and one in the back .  If we lose air pressure in the cabin , masks will fall down from the compartment overhead and might bonk you in the head! "  And lets not forget the "Apollo-Comedy-Club-Level" funny that was:  "Also, this plane is equipped with only one restroom which is at the front of the plane, and be aware that it is very small, so if you really need to go, our suggestion is to just wait till we land! ."  


After the little remark about the restroom I believe they both fell unconscious from oxygen-deprivation from laughing so hard.  Looking back, I'm kind of glad they were drugged out their mind's, because it scarred us all so much that we never even noticed that we took off and that somehow we were actually airborne (and not plummeting to our death). 


Later in the flight, they were kind enough to wake back up and serve us our free beverage - a big ol' 1/10th ounce cup of any juice beverage we would like - as long as it was apple juice.  I enjoyed my thimble of beverage, read my book and began building the mental stress and fear that would be "The Landing".


... to be continued...


(soon too, no "I had to wait a week to read this?!" wait either!)

Photo 365 - Day 258 (Prop Plane)

Day 258 (March 18th, 2011)
Title: Prop Plane


We recently had to go visit some friends about their upcoming wedding.  It was decided that we would fly out to see them, and so tickets were purchased, bags were packed and general good times were had by all.  At least, until we were on the wait to the airport when I was then informed that we would in fact, not be flying in a happy, safe and comfy jet (like I assumed), but a tiny, Wright-brothers era, prop plane.  Now, "they" called it a "Turbo Prop" and they said it was extremely safe, would be just as comfortable as any jet, it was actually made in the 20th century, and many other lies.  Once we got to the airport and I was dragged from the car, I decided: Okay, it has props - no biggie.  Many military planes have props, and I'm SURE the government and military know what they are doing, so it won't be so bad.  Besides, having 4 or 6 propellers (like all good military planes you see in the movies) doesn't sound so bad.  Besides, perhaps I can bomb those darn Red Box machines that never have the movies I want it while we are taking off. 


Then I saw the plane, or more specifically, I saw the deathtrap with two blenders stuck on the wings.  Yep, only 2 props.  Not 4, or 6 or 20.  2.  They looked like Tonka toys.  I was expecting to see a "pull string" sticking out that the ground crew would yank just before takeoff.  


There was no ramp to the plane, just a few steps off the tarmac.  I half expected the plane to be made of wood.  I boarded the plane, took my seats, strapped myself in, pondered who would get my coin collection when they finally identified my remains, and waited for the "fun" to start. 


... to be continued...